Too Good To Be True

I just finished my 24,997th interview - and you know I never exaggerate. Well, almost never.

Most of the radio, newspaper or magazine interviews we do are focused on our topic, grief and recovery. Every once in a while we get called upon to address issues that are just outside of our realm. Sometimes those topics are on the alternative edges of modern culture. In fairness, there are those who believe that we too are a little far out. But with nearly a million copies of our books in circulation, we aren't really in the lunatic fringe. At least we don't think so.

I'm not even going to tell you the topic of today's interview, other than to say that it was far from the mainstream. But, like so many similar phenomena, it screams of peoples' attempts to find simplistic answers to complex emotional issues.

Snake-oil salesmen have abounded since time began, and will probably be the last ones standing, along with the cockroaches, when earth's days are done. The "sucker-is-born-every-minute" line may have first been coined by P.T. Barnum in the late 1860's, but the actions to bilk the naive go way back in antiquity. If there was a pelt, a bauble, or a precious metal to be hustled, the hucksters were there to hoodwink the flock.

By the same token, it's unfair to create a case that's only in sympathy with the victims. The perpetrators may be unscrupulous, but they can never sell their wares to unwilling buyers. Every year, most major metropolitan newspapers print stories of how gullible folks have been "taken" by the most hare-brained of schemes. The Bunko Squad of the local gendarmes are always quoted as warning, "If it sound too good to be true, it is!"

Yet every year more and more elderly people lose their life savings in one scam or another. They buy get-rich-quick schemes that even a literate 10 year old could debunk. Yes, someone does get rich, but it's the fleecer not the fleecee who walks away with the bag of wool. The idea that wisdom comes with age takes a real beating when you learn how many seniors are taken in so easily.

Then there are those who are not selling worthless stocks or false or non-existent products. They are selling emotionally charged, far-out ideas that defy logic and reason. They sell people on the idea that they have special power to know things that can make them feel better about someone who has died and other paranormal claims. Maybe they really can make a contact that the broken-hearted griever cannot make [nudge, nudge, wink, wink]. But they are always selling that service, and never giving it away. Except, of course, in the theatrical samples delivered on TV shows. There's the hook - the line and sinker follow.

Why do we care? Good question. The vast majority of people who seek those magical kinds of "quick-fix" services are reeling from the impact of the death of a loved one, or other major losses which have broken their hearts. Their presenting issue is a loss. The loss is never dealt with directly, or effectively, by the charlatans. But there's usually a substantial outlay of cash along the way. That's the second loss, money. And if that's not enough, when they finally come to their senses and realize they’ve been swindled, they experience a loss of trust. And the beat goes on. Those quick fixes almost always have long-term negative consequences.

John W. James and Russell Friedman are co-founders of The Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation, and co-authors of The Grief Recovery Handbook and When Children Grieve, both from HarperCollins. The Institute and thousands of affiliates throughout the United States and Canada offer a variety of programs for grievers. Additional information is available by calling 888-773-2683 or on the web at www.grief.net. To view previous media related articles please go to www.grief.net/Media/MediaIndex.html. Eric Cline is Director of Canadian Operations.