Good Pets, Like Good People, Are Irreplaceable

"Honey, I'm sorry to tell you this, but your father passed away last
night.  I don't want you to feel bad.  This weekend, we'll get you a new
dad."

Absurd.

Yet, how often after a beloved pet dies, do well-intentioned loved ones
utter some similar "words of comfort" and head for the pet store?

Many people, especially non-pet owners, underestimate the bond between
some people and their animal companions.

All kinds of people have powerful relationships with furry, feathered, or
scaled companions. Some of these folks have spouses and children and all
manner of people in their lives, and still have a unique, one-of-a-kind
connection with their pets. Others, through circumstance or choice, are
alone, even isolated, but have powerful friendships with animals.

As with our human family and companions, each and every relationship with
a pet is different and unique. When a person we love dies, we react
emotionally based on the individual and special elements of that
relationship. The same is very much true when one of our animal companions
dies.

Few formal studies exist on the grief caused by the passing of a dear
animal friend.  But we know from decades of experience working with
grievers, that such losses create real emotional scars and the same loss of
peace, security, productivity and joie d vivre that typically comes when
we lose human companions.

There is an additional price to pay for misunderstanding the pain that
accompanies pet loss.

When children hear, "Don't feel bad, on Saturday we'll get you a new dog,"
it creates the unfortunate foundation for a lifetime of misinformation
about dealing with personal loss of all kinds.

In our formative years, we hear "don't feel bad" or variations on that
theme thousands of times, when it would be not only normal and natural but
also logical to feel sad, hurt, and other emotions.

"Saturday we'll get you a new dog," sets a child up to believe that it is
a good idea to "replace the loss" of the pet, by getting another pet,
without any suggestion, guidance or help in dealing with the emotions
caused by the death of the pet.

Later when our first teenage romance ends, we are told, "Don't feel bad,
there are plenty of fish in the sea." The message is the same as when the
pet dies - don't feel the way you feel, even though it is normal and
healthy to feel sad in the face of a an emotionally painful event; and, go
right out and get another boyfriend or girlfriend.

When your mother or father dies, you get the first half, "Don't feel bad,"
usually followed by "He/she is in a better place." Instead of "replace the
loss" we are given the idea that we shouldn't feel bad because our loved
one is okay in the better place. So we just replace one feeling with
another. Not a good plan, and it doesn't work.

Incorrect ideas about dealing with the emotions caused by the losses in
our childhood become the default settings that are applied to the losses
that occur throughout our lives.

Children and adults can learn so much from our friends in the animal
kingdom.  Among the most important lessons, how to properly grieve for
them when they are gone.