50 Years to Life

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More than 1100 juveniles commit murder each year

Charles "Andy" Williams is one of them.

In March of last year, he went to school armed with a .22 caliber revolver
and shot to death two classmates, wounding 13 others.  This past week, he was
sentenced to 50 years to life for his crimes.

How do such things happen?

More than thirteen million children change primary residences ever year.
Several million children each year are directly impacted by the divorce of
their parents.  Millions of children are bullied and hectored by classmates
at school every day.

Charles "Andy" Williams is one of them.

Moving, divorce, and feeling picked on each represent major losses in the
life of a young person. These losses are often overlooked or dismissed too
lightly by parents, teachers and other responsible adults.

The consequences for our children and society at large, however, are
impossible to ignore.

The seeds of despair take root very early,

A child comes home from pre-school, upset over an incident at the playground.
The child says tearfully, "The other children were mean to me." Well-meaning
parents, rather than helping their children work through such feelings, often
try to placate them.  

"Don't feel bad, have a cookie, you'll feel better."

Each subsequent loss is typically met with other ineffective clichés such as,
"Don't feel bad - we're moving to a bigger house." Or, "Don't feel bad, mommy
and daddy both still love you." Even bullying is often met with, "Don't feel
bad, you have to stand up for yourself."

Seems harmless until you match such unresolved grief with its societal
consequences; youth obesity, alcoholism, and drug abuse that is moving from
epidemic to pandemic proportion.  And, on occasion, a troubled youth who just
explodes with rage.

Charles "Andy" Williams is one of them.

Given our propensity to overlook the losses and challenges of youth until
they force themselves upon us, it is actually surprising we don't breed more
young killers.  Thankfully we don't.

But we have to stop looking at young murderers as flukes or statistical
anomalies and see them for what they really are, the tip of a large,
disconcerting iceberg. We must see that there are millions of our children
experiencing much smaller explosions and implosions that don't make the front
page or the six o'clock news. Yet.

Our children need to be taught readily available alternatives to coping with
their losses and sadness other than by "swallowing" them with food, drink and drugs. We
are losing too many of our young people to these crutches and vices.

Charles "Andy" Williams is one of them.

But, we cannot in good conscience end this piece on Charles "Andy" Williams.

We must remember not to forget the two who are gone, Bryan Zuckor and Randy Gordon.


Russell Friedman and John W. James
Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation
Sherman Oaks, CA

John W. James and Russell Friedman head the non-profit Grief Recovery Institute Educational Foundation in Sherman Oaks, CA. The Institute and thousands of affiliates throughout the United States and Canada offer a variety of programs for grievers. Additional information is available by calling 888-773-2683 or on the web at www.grief.net